I believe in a big God, a really big God, a God bigger than my imagination, which of course is a logical impossibility because how can you believe in something you can't imagine? I can't take on that conundrum today though.
The trouble with that God, the super incredibly big God, is that to really know him, see him, experience him, you have to stop trying to make your life be safe, risk free and predictable. You never really get to see a Big God when life is smooth, happy and "as planned." You learn About how big God is, how powerful, how loving, how awesome, and you Believe it in those easy times, but you don't Know it, until life gets serious.
When a loss, or even just an unpleasant surprise, comes along and reveals what you claimed to have known all along, that you're not in control of your life, you find out if you really believe it or not. Either God is big, or he's not. Either Jesus is creating and recreating and telling an amazing story of redemption, or he's not. There's no, "Well, in this time and place God is this or Jesus is that." Either all the time, in all the places it's true, or it's not true at all. And the only way to find out if it's true, if Love really wins, is to throw off, let go, be ripped from, all of the safety nets of knowing and controlling what will happen next.
It seems sort of odd to me, but to really be "in the know," you have to actually face the fact that you know nothing. For me, the only way it's going to happen that I admit that I know nothing, is if I have no other choice. And that is the problem with God. To quote CS Lewis, "It's not as if he were a tame lion."
Although, what would be the point if he were?
2 comments:
Thanks for sharing this, I agree.
Too true! damn. I have loosing control I never had to begin with.
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