I know what I don't want. I don't want to just survive from Sunday to Sunday without any conflict or stress. I don't want to say, when asked, "How you doin?" "Gettin' by," or "Keepin' busy!" There has to be more.
I only sort of know what I do want. I don't know quite what it would look like, but I do know what it would feel like.
I want to go through a week and have connected at a heart level with someone. I want to have discussed deeply and pondered intensely. I want to have turned a thought around in our minds like you turn that first swallow of coffee in the morning, slowly tasting both the sweetness and the bitterness.
I want to have stretched and grown just a little. To have seen something differently from the way I saw it before. I want to come to a new understanding of how your life is, or mine, or even a stranger's life.
I want to have relished some small and unexpected surprise. It might be an "Aha!" or perhaps an over looked treasure of Nature's. It might be a giggle that bursts out through tears. Perhaps it will be a small triumph that I never saw coming, but had hoped long and hard for.
That fact that I can want all these things tells me that I am already very blessed indeed. I must have the food and shelter that I need. I must be warm enough and safe enough. It seems almost selfish to want more, but my soul cannot get by on good food and a house in a good neighborhood. My soul cries out for it's turn and I'm going to have to bring the bottle to that baby or I won't even be able to "get by."
4 comments:
I enjoyed this. Very thought provoking! It kind of describes what my soul's been feeling, as well. Oh...the wonderful feeling when your heart connects with someone! I also loved the word picture you described at the end! Great writing.
I can't take credit for the line about the baby. It's a twist on an old folk song lyric. It's on the Oh Brother Where Art Thou? soundrack.
I want to have discussed deeply and pondered intensely . . . this is something I am longing for. . .
Sometimes fear of what cannot be controlled and is bound to happen is enough to paralyze even the strongest of us. Getting by without trama seems like a win...but as you so eloquently put it that is not LIFE! Thrive not survive! Even if it is scary to actually connect with someone and admit your fears and hurt....
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