More Stuff No One Warns You About

As per usual I was behind on detail sorts of jobs that have to be done but never seem to make it on to my priority list. I'm sure you'll be shocked when you learn that I couldn't get "Pay for childcare" onto the priority list. That job smells like paperwork and I'm allergic to paperwork.

When I pulled into the driveway to drop off my check this morning, I saw that there were two vans ahead of me so I knew I'd have to just quickly dash in, drop my check and leave. It turned out to be two people who were doing some work at the house, not parents dropping off, so it was a good twenty minutes that I stood there visiting with Rose after I gave her the check. We had a nice little chat about her kids, my kids, the daycare kids, no politics or religion today, but we usually hit those topics too. Somewhere in the last twelve years that Rose has been caring for my children, we became friends.

As I was walking out to my van after, I commented to the lady who was leaving at the same time, that I had stayed longer than I had intended. I said, "My kids only come one day a week now and I just don't get enough Rosie Time like I used to."

That's what no one warns you about. You hear a lot about how fast your kids grow up and how you better enjoy those moments because some day they'll be gone and all that, but no one tells you that they're going to out grow people to whom you've grown attached.

Two years ago, when Abby finished kindergarten, the teacher and I were so sad to say good-by to each other. We had had regular contact for six years and now we were going to have to switch to "Hi/Bye" friends. That leaves a space in your life that the first grade teacher doesn't fill. There's no one quite like a kindergarten/preschool teacher.

Then there are the friendships with other kids that your own kids out grow. When JD's friend was over the other day he was teasing JD about not listening to his mom and how he should just do what he's supposed to do for a change. I asked him, "Jake, if you and JD stop being friends, can we still be friends?!" Luckily for me, for the moment at least he's cool with that.

Looking ahead I just see a whole lot of separation over which I have no control. I dread the day the last kid finishes elementary school and I have to say good-by to that whole family of people. By then I will have spent something like 16 years in that building, with those people. Right now I actually look forward to conferences or evening activities as a time to catch up with friends.

Then, I suppose, there's going to be the boyfriend that I like who gets dumped or scarier yet, a fiance. I mean I can joke about continuing to be friends with JD's friend, but in reality that would be a little creepy. And really, my kid's relationships are going to be a "no fly zone" as far as my interfering is going to be concerned- especially if I'm just being selfish about it!

I know this is how things work and life is change and blah, blah, blah, but I just want permission to mourn a little when these losses happen. They don't make a card for, "Hey my kid is done with you and sorry about that but I guess we're not hangin' out anymore, so see ya!" You're just stuck feeling a little sad and at loose ends on your own.

I'm wondering though, if I can't keep the friends, and I have to move on to different teachers, can I at least keep Rose?

Hmmm, I guess I better look into how serious she is about getting paid on time.