Can you tell by the title that I'm taking a grad class!? It provides lots of food for thought, not always on the assigned topics either. One of the things that I have to do is read other people's posts and respond to them. Last week a woman commented at the end of her post that there is a growing gap between the expectations that teachers have for the appropriate way to treat adults and the expectation that parents have. This lead to several people commenting on the changes in society how disrespectful students are allowed to be. Everyone was very thoughtful and professional in their discussion. I enjoyed it. It also got me thinking...
It seems that there is a sense of loss over the automatic respect that adults and authority figures have always commanded in the past. It occurrs to me that those stages of grief that you go through with any loss could apply to this loss too. Actually calling the change in social norms a loss at all is a good first step. Society is changing, and it always will, but it seems like there has only been two choices for dealing with that. One choice would be to charge merrily forward embracing change whole heartedly, and the other choice to cling to the past and fight to keep or return to it. I now think that there may be a third way and that is to truly grieve the loss of the past and then let it go and face the future honestly. The only way we can go is forward, but to force joy and enthusiasm on those who are losing something in the change is unfair. I don't think you get to the acceptance phase of the grieving process until you do the others. So if you're grieving for social norms of the past, go ahead and do denial and anger and sadness, embrace them, but know that at some point you'll have to move forward.
5 comments:
good points, tonia, but i don't know if i like the idea of being OK with less respect and poor treatment of authority. i don't think you were saying that, but it saddens me to think of there being no respect expected for authority - parental or otherwise...maybe i'm in the sadness phase...
You're right, I wasn't saying it's ok to show anyone disrespect really. I just used that example because it was the one that brought me to the thought. I actually don't think that there is a loss of respect completely, though. I think it's more of a loss of automatic respect based on roles. I think that children can still be expected to show respect, but now it's something that has to be taught and earned in each situation. It doesn't just come with a title. Kids don't just assume that they are in the inferior, subjugated role anymore. When I put it like that, it doesn't sound quite so horrible :-)
Tonia - are you reading Managing Transitions: Making the Most of Change for your grad class? It totally speaks to the fact that people cannot move on until they grieve their loss, and, have it acknowledged. I'm only halfway through, but that's what I got so far!
I was too lazy to look this up the other night, but here it is (from Managing Transitions): "Unless transition occurs, change will not work. . . Transition is different. The starting point for transition is not the outcome but the ending that you will have to make to leave the old situation behind." And this quote: Every beginning is a consequence. Every beginning ends something. (Paul Valery, French Poet). Simple, but profound (to me anyway)
Well spoken, my sister! I'm all in favor of moving forward and finding the good things that the change can bring. I have to remember to let people grieve the loss in their own time even when my time is generally much shorter.
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