It's Their Story

I went to see my children's VBS program last Friday and arrived quite a bit early. We were in Bay City at the church I attended while I was growing up. I've been back to visit several times a year since then, but I hadn't been out to the cemetery in many years. My grandparents and great grandparents are buried there, as well as many names that I know from family legend and people who were a part of my own growing up. It wasn't a sad visit at all, more of a sweet trip into the past.

I think it was all that nostalgia that put me in a philosophical mood as I sat down outside to wait a little longer before going in for the program. My mind wandered over my own childhood and the many good memories that I have of it and I thought of my own childrens' childhood and wondered how they would remember their story. And that's when it hit me. Their stories are being written right now and they are uniquely theirs; they're not my story at all.

I have a part in their stories, obviously, and we may even have vignettes in common in our stories, but their stories will have whole chapters where I don't get even a mention. Right at that moment they were finishing up a week that they had spent at Grandma and Grandpa's without me. Later this summer they will head off to camp and possibly to the other grandparents.

I let my mind wander over this idea and I realized that even at home the three kids have little adventures, little secrets and games that are just for them. I don't really know what they do and say upstairs in their rooms or outside in the tree fort or when they tear off over the sand dune at the beach to their secret fort there. They go to school and church and interact with and learn from all kinds of people. We are already separate people whose distinct stories run together and twist around one another, but none the less remain distinct.

I'm not sad about this at all. I'm pleased for them; it's exciting for me to realize that their story is already underway. I sometimes think that I'm waiting for something, some one to say, "And they're off!" I think because I'm a parent, a teacher, a grownup, I've gotten the wrong headed idea that your life really starts when you get off on your own and are responsible for yourself. I think that all I'm doing now is teaching, leading, preparing them for "someday." Of course I am doing those things, but the kids are not in a holding pattern for the duration of all that preparation. They're living NOW. NOW is the most important time to them, NOW is when their stories are being written, their tale is unfolding already here in this moment.

I think this realization gaive me permission to just enjoy the present for it's own self and to stop focusing exclusively on each moment's impact on the future. On some level the future is irrelevant anyway, it never gets here. The other thing that this has set me free from is worrying about some big future separation looming for my children and me. We're already separate and still seem to be doing pretty well with staying connected.